I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is my gift to your gina
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
