is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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