No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
