But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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