So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize