You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
