he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
