vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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