They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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