Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
