I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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