I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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