so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
