Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wanna go halves on a baby?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
