planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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