I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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