I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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