I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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