i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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