i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
