Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
