just tell him i said nine months
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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