i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
