sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
