I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
