Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
