the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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