I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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