just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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