seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ladies don't puke and tell
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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