Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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