After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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