I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They took my balls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
