I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Two words: blizzard sex
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
