Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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