Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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