Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Even the bartender felt bad for me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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