Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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