You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
