I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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