I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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