i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
