I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need to calm my uterus...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
