he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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