dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My balls are so social today.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.