Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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