I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen