i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.