my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.