I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't want my vagina anymore.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
