It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
