Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
