Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
