Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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