when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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