Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
did i just pee glitter
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
