I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
