New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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