Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
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There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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