I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
