why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize