I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...