nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.