Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.