I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.