Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
that is very illegal...i love you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
