She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
