I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize