I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
These tits shall not be calmed
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
