I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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