Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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