If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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