We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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