also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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